Big Snow = Big Food

Today I'm the victim, or beneficiary of, cabin fever. When I woke up this morning, we probably had four inches or so of snow, but the forecasters were calling for 2 to 3 feet in the next forty-eight hours. Word was, the CFO was in the office. So, the precedent was set, and while my wife lay pajama'd in bed, I got ready for work. On went the layers, packed was the backpack, and out the door I went. The conditions were not comfortable. Living in Colorado, I've learned that snow isn't a big deal. Snow blowing at 40 miles an hour is.

I was on the highway, nearly enjoying the feeling of adventure that accompanies venturing out in a severe storm, a trailblazer facing the elements...in my luxury SUV, when I received a call from someone in the office. Word had just come down from the COO's office, that the building would be closed due to the inclement weather. Freed from the shackles of capitalist cubedom, I made a right turn at the next exit, vectoring the nearest super market. We were about to be snowed in, which can mean only one thing. We're going to need more snacks.

I pulled up to the local Safeway, which we now live behind while our new house is being built (the cause for my extreme dereliction of duty in respect to this blog), to find a smattering of locals getting in on the tail-end of a pre-storm shopping frenzy. These runs generally see the emptying of shelves once filled with practical items, such as bottled water (a woman behind me purchased 13 two gallon jugs of the stuff), milk, bread, and eggs. The staples. I had less nutritious items in mind. I started with the standard cake donut variety pack, moved onto the movie-theater style popcorn, and finished off the list with some high-end potato chips.

Perhaps my behavior is rooted in the collection of instincts that have served the survival of man for thousands of years? Like a big ol' Kodiak bear, I was gathering supplies on which I could fatten, and hibernate throughout the long winter. Then again, I could just be using the storm as an excuse to eat a lot of shit I wouldn't be able to justify in the same week, let alone the same day.

Regardless, I had a bit of each or more. Donuts were the first course, providing the sustenance required to get through an early conference call with a couple people also working from home, and a colleague located in sunny Buenos Aires. I almost envied him, enjoying a warm sunny day South of the equator, but was he eating a donut in his pajamas? I think not.

The second course accompanied a movie we ordered, "Unknown", about five guys who wake up in an old locked-down chemical plant, all with amnesia, and all wondering what part they played in an apparent kidnapping plot. While slow, the premise was certainly interesting, the acting was rather strong, and the chips lived up to expectations. These weren't those cheap-ass Ruffles, where your mental refrain of joy for the first five chips is followed by disdain for the next five. These were that brand with the lighthouse on the front of the bag, crispy, and sodium-packed.

From there, we opened up the food groups a bit, with a solid layout of club crackers, sharp cheddar cheese, and sliced summer sausage. I have to point out here that I'm not a huge fan of summer sausage. In fact, I'm convinced that it's only considered edible due to a concerted campaign by red states. But...it was a snowday. And, a snowday wouldn't be a snowday without an anything goes mentality. Down they went.

Never done, I worked up my snowday appetite by watching TV and playing some video games, while my wife handled some conference calls and got some work done. It was dinner time at this point, and we needed some animal protein. I threw on some fajitas we prepared at a place called Dinner in a Pinch, which I highly recommend. Needless to say, we chowed.

I later rounded the night out with a large mug of hot chocolate, and another donut. Some might read this and feel sick for me, given both the volume and extreme variety of my snowday menu, but as I was raised, anything less would be shameful. Much breath and airtime has been wasted in recent years discussing the erosion of our culture, and the importance of traditionalism, citing subjects such as the emergence of gay marriage, and the ethical dilemma of abortion. Well, that stuff is all bullshit. There are traditions we need to worry about looking after, that deserve more attention, like building a fire on a moonlit beach surrounded by 40's of Old English, and empty cans of Natural Light, or trying to lower your sister down the side of the house in a laundry basket, and yes...eating your ass off when you're snowed in.


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